Expectantly Unexpected

It is weird to have Payden and Lincoln away from me for so much of most days now. In my worst moments I question whether or not I taught them enough, wanting to grasp for control and bring them close at all times, in my strong moments I'm proud, and I enjoy the stories they are sharing and the way they love life, but honestly the internal swings I go through can happen instantly and it's not comfortable or easy to explain. I guess that's part of being mom though, right? Looking back it's really awesome to see how they've already both grown. For example, Lincoln has always been so tenderhearted, so much so that his generous love for everyone would, at times, embarrass Payden. The emotional way he talks about God and how much he loves Him made her really uncomfortable for a while.
So in gearing up for the school year I wanted to drill into their heads and hearts how much they are loved, by  God, Jer and myself. After the fourth conversation they would just get exasperated. We went through how our mission to love God by loving other people stays the same no matter where you are and they went into school aware that there are kids out there who don't know that Jesus loves them and can sometimes act in a variety of ways, and Payden and Lincoln have the joy to love them, and that's it. When school started they equated loving  people like Jesus meant telling other kids that Jesus loves them and asking all of their friends if they go to church, one of the things that used to embarrass my oldest daughter.
Payden came home reciting all of her friends and their reactions to her asking if they go to church, and said she tried to tell them about Jesus but needs her Bible with her so that she can be reminded about all the parts of the stories so that her friends hear all of it because it's not just about one part. She asked us so many times to put her Bible in her backpack so it wasn't forgotten and after school the next day we got a quick recount of how she was able to look through it a little bit with her friend before she wanted to go play.
Tonight was Open House at their school and when we met their teacher she told us that Lincoln is a natural leader and helper in class and Payden is a little missionary! She shared about how Payden and Lincoln pray together before they eat lunch and how when Payden brought her Bible to school she started with the part where Jesus died on the cross but then needed to go to the beginning because that is actually where the story starts.
From this vantage point I am watching with bated breath but also a deep peace wondering what God's plan is for their lives, reminded of how emotional I was when they sang a song about just that in their preschool graduation. I find myself praying for them so much during the day and I wouldn't want it any other way!